The Dickens Drinking Game

Today thousands of undergraduates and those pining for the undergraduate days started drinking in the wee hours of the morning. Now, twelve or so hours later, our neighborhood is a little louder than I would like. I have found that it is useless to combat such thorough debauchery, so I am taking to that old adage "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." With some inspiration from the English (and really, any moderately competent English(wo)man would drink the stoutest Iowa Greek Tailgater under the table) I have developed what I am tentatively calling The Dickens Drinking Game.

Required Items:

One bottle of Gin
One bottle of Wine
One bottle of Ale (preferably one of those large 1 liter Euro bottles)
One Charles Dickens novel, my research shows that Little Dorrit is an excellent example, though I'm sure any of his multi-volume works would do.

Rule:

Set up the opened bottles on the table in front or next to you.
Read your selected Dickens novel.
Whenever you come across the words "gin," "wine," or "ale" you take a sip from the respective bottle.

How the Game Ends:

This largely depends on the player(s). One could drink until the bottles are empty. One could drink until they throw up or pass out. Or, less likely, one could drink until the novel is finished. The important thing is to capture the feel of mid nineteenth-century English drinking habits while boning up on your Victorian novels.

Cheers,
Dorf

Rejected McSweeny's Submission

Inspired by Lavin, we have our own list to post here. Truth be told, this one can't actually qualify as "rejected" because we never heard back. Months have passed, however, so we can assume it falls into the category of "not worth a rejection notice."

Things I Wish the Person Sitting Next to Me on My Flight Home From Spring Break Had Given Me Instead of the Stomach Flu

the window seat

some Starbursts

an interesting newspaper article to read

a partially done cross-word puzzle

the wrappers from the Starbursts he ate without offering me any

the evil eye

a swift kick in the shin

Free Blockbuster Trial: Part I

After a few friends told us about a free, two week offer of Blockbuster's Netflixesque movie rental system, we decided we should check it out for ourselves. So far, the system works flawlessly. However, the same cannot quite be said of the movies the system delivered to us. What follows, in the order they were received, is a recap of our first week of our movie watching binge.

Casino Royale

The most recent edition of the long running 007 movies is, as many might expect, full of action, and I mean both bombs and buxom beauties. We see a new Bond in Daniel Craig (I believe he is the sixth Bond, but I'm going to leave the research up to the readers). And we see an awful lot of this new Bond. Whether he be dressed in casual clothes, formal attire, or not dressed at all and strapped to a chair, the movie is not short on crotch and ass shots of Craig in swim trunks and tightly tailored pants. Clearly, this appeals to the majority of the American public as not much imagination is required. It is a fun movie though. Our biggest complaint is that Bond's watch, pen, and sunglasses do nothing more than tell time, write things, and shade his eyes from the glitzy Mediterranean sun. Where are the Bond gadgets? Sure, like so many other films, this is a prequel and tries to take us back to the future, but they still find ways to inject a homing device into his forearm and place a pocket-sized defibrillator in the glove box of his car. I hope the next time we see Craig as Bond he has a few more tricks up his sleeve and some of those flowery and baggy board shorts all the kids are wearing.

Shut Up and Sing

This documentary follows that fun loving group the Dixie Chicks as they become the most popular female band in history and then ruin it all by insulting Texans and a few of their neighbors by letting us know they are ashamed our Commander in Chief is from the same state as they are. The music is great. The signs of the protesters are hilariously stupid. The first four fiery meetings between the band and their manager are intense, touching, and even a little bit empowering. The next seventeen meetings become somewhat exhausting. On top of this, it is nearly impossible to tell if we are watching scenes from 2003 or 2005, unless we are fashion experts or intimately acquainted with all the Dixie Chicks albums and when they were released. In spite of the chronological confusion, however, we get to hear a few really great digs at president Bush, hear some really right wing people say some really ridiculous things and see how one little comment made on stage can change the lives of an entire group of people, and everyone who knows them.

Children of Men

Wow, this was a difficult movie to watch. We closed our eyes many times, picked at dry skin, and at one point I held my breath so long my face began to match the bluey-gray light the entire movie was shot in. As far as futuristic dystopias go, it is everything you would expect: the world has gone to shit in every imaginable way, Big Brother is everywhere, there is no real bright spot on the horizon, and a few accidental do-gooders still find time to enjoy some pot. How it made so many "Best Movies of the Year" lists I have no idea.

Eragon

Our expectations were extremely low for this one. We put it on our list because it was a popular movie, and dragons and magic are fun (yes, they are). Plus, if you want to be connected to pop culture in any way, following fantasy movies is a must, as they seem to come out on a weekly basis. I'm not really sure why this is the case, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that its because so many of us are ashamed to come from the same planet as George W. Bush. Back to Eragon. We thought going in with low expectations would prevent us from feeling too much disappointment. What holds true is that this is the perfect movie to watch if you don't want to experience anything. The directors don't bother with details like character development, comprehensible passage of time, geography, metaphysical speculation, or history. They just drop your right down into the midst of a different world and let you sink or swim. After Children of Men, the lightness was appreciated, as was the fact that no one that died was remotely developed or interesting so there was no tragedy involved. Also, there were maybe, like, two cool dragon moments. Honestly though, my favorite part of the movie was watching the horses run around.

Next week we will provide a report of Part II of our free movie spree. Our queue includes Pan's Labrynth, Talladega Nights, and the possibility for magic to redeem itself in Illusionist, and exploration of new genres in The Last King of Scotland and many more.

A Word to the Whiners

The fact is, nobody likes a whiner. Even whiners don't like other whiners, because a whiner doesn't listen, and the primary function of whining is to garner attention and sympathy. Unfortunately, it's easy to slip into the habit of grousing. Besides, part of life is certainly talking about the little bumps and hiccups we encounter along the way. So, how do you tell, really, if you are over-doing it? How do you ensure that you save your gripes for the things that matter instead of using up everyone's sympathy and capacity to listen to you moan on all the wrong things?

Vitzydorf has compiled a list of questions for you to ask yourself before speaking in your next conversation. Consult this list every time you are about to contribute, and if your planned comment answers "yes" to any of the queries below, stop speaking immediately.

1) Does it feel like your voice is going to come out an octave higher, and more squeaky than usual?
2) Are you the victim of the story?
3) Does it involve a negative observation regarding the weather?
4) Did you already say this to several other people today?
5) Are you responding to someone's comment about something bad that happened to them by saying that something that happened to you was a whole lot worse?
6) Is your comment irrelevant to the conversation?
7) Are you feeling annoyed because no one is talking about you?
8) Does the story involve casting people no one present has ever met in a bad light?
9) Has the person you are talking to started backing away and casting furtive glances at the exit?
10) Are you countering someone else's positive spin with your own negative one?

While some of these criteria may illustrate other social faux-pas' in your character, if you answer yes to these questions frequently, you might want to consider a change of strategy when interacting with other people. Some tips to help make you a less negative and self-centered - replace "I" with "you" and "bad" with "good" whenever possible. Ask questions more frequently than you answer them, and if you are going to complain about something, first, evaluate honestly whether or not you'll still be upset about it in a week. Don't talk about it if you won't be.

After following these rules for a very short time, you'll have gained the reputation of a good conversationalist. Unfortunately, after that you'll probably spend most of your time listening to other people whine.

Check back soon

The real posting will begin on May 1st.