Ahhh, Vacation ... and "Things in Literature that you can read as being about sex."

Yes, the University of Iowa's Thanksgiving vacation started as of Friday, and I'm already coming down with a powerful case of the sigh-of-reliefs. In honor of the start of vacation, I thought I would share a little list I have been working on, titled "Things in Literature that you can read as being about sex." Here are a few:

1. Any descriptions of a sword/dagger/knife/spear or other hand-to-hand weapons
2. Any descriptions of carrots, zucchini, cucumbers, or other oblate vegetables
3. Any descriptions of marshmallows, road cones, melons, grapefruits, soccer balls, mashed potato mountains, or other boob-like objects
4. Any action that leads to heavy breathing
5. Any action that leads to happiness
6. Any physical activity
7. Anything round
8. Anything dark
9. Anything wet
10. Anything soft
11. Anything mechanically rhythmic
12. Anything climactic
13. Anything prematurely climactic
14. Pretty much anything