The Freewheelin' Hyvee Lady

Like many people (most of whom are under the age of 13) I love hopping onto the back of my grocery cart and riding it like a race car. I earn this privilege approximately every two weeks after a visit to Hy-Vee or the Fareway grocery store on the corner of Benton and Mormon Trek. I do most of my shopping at the Hy-Vee in southern Iowa City, but I have to say that its counterpart to the north has the best cart riding environment of any grocery store.

The entire parking lot at the north Iowa City Hy-Vee is built on a slope, with the top of the hill at the door. As such, a rambunctious pre-teen (or me) can emerge from a shopping trip and ride the grocery cart all the way from one end of the lot to the other with a single push off. Of course, you often have to dodge traditional consumers and various vehicles, but if you have just the right amount of groceries in your cart, you can steer with a solid lean in one direction or another.

The rules of cart riding are straightforward and simple:
1. Do not ride on an empty cart, as it is likely to flip over.
2. Wait until exiting the store to commence operation cart ride.
3. Do not hit vehicles.
4. Do not ride grocery carts on a city street, a county road, or a US highway.
5. Other modifications to the ritual, including racing strange children, are permissible, and often encouraged.

While this system of grocery cart riding may seem crazy and/or overly complicated, I assure one and all that I am not alone in my love of cart riding. Just the other day, I saw a young woman in Hy-Vee jump onto the back of her cart and ride it like a race car. Of course, she broke rule no. 2, breaking into race car mode just past the cereal isle inside the store.

But I just laughed out loud as she passed. She was the absolute picture of freewheelin' carefree exuberance. Plus she had a giant tear across the ass of her pants, causing her underwear to flap in the wind like a racing flag.